Find out the importance to be kind to yourself

Everyone wants to experience the true meaning of joy, wellbeing and happiness, but not many realize that a good route to achieving this would be to learn how to be kind to yourself.

As part of the TED Talk series, ‘How to Be a Better Human’, renowned psychologist at the Harvard Medical School faculty, Susan David, talked about the importance of being kind to yourself and how people often judge themselves too harshly. She asserted that people who are kinder to themselves and actually ‘like themselves’ often turn out to be more motivated and successful in the long term.

She explained, “Self-compassion is about recognising what it means to be human. Discomfort, stress, disappointment, loss and pain are all part of the human journey. If we are not able to enter into a space of kindness to ourselves, we’re putting ourselves at odds with the reality of life….to be human is to be imperfect and to make mistakes. It is about recognising that you are doing the best you, with who you are and what you’ve got, and with the resources you have been given.”

So, the question is, how do you learn to be kind to yourself by seeing yourself as good friend?

Essentially there is only one person who can help you make friends with yourself and that is you. The good news is that there are many simple yet effective ways to be kind to yourself.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

George Bernard Shaw.

1.Make time for ‘you’

There is nothing quite so uplifting as prioritizing time to do something that you enjoy. The first step could be to explore what makes you feel good, smile and laugh. Was there a particular hobby you enjoyed when you were younger? If yes, then maybe you could think about reintroducing it back into your current life. Everyone is super busy, so start with small steps, Try doing an activity that will be as easy for you to fit into your schedule. This could be as simple as watching a movie, playing a musical instrument or taking a yoga class. Read more on our blog Why it is important to play

“You cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” Vincent van Gogh

2. Give yourself a pat on the back

Many of us treat other people with kindness and are quick to acknowledge and praise the achievements of others, yet are reluctant to acknowledge personal triumphs. This type of mindset is counter-productive and only leads to negativity. If you do something well, it’s important to take stock to say, “I did an amazing job and I’m proud of myself”.  Imagine you are praising a friend or colleague, give yourself a metaphorical pat on the back – you have earned it.

3. So, you have made a mistake – move on

We’ve all done things that we’re not particularly proud of, however mistakes should not define us.  Maybe you didn’t sell yourself in an interview or didn’t have the confidence to apply in the first place. There is no point beating yourself up about it. You need to show some self-compassion and forgiveness. What is important is how we acknowledge our mistakes and learn from them. This is all part of being a fully rounded human being.

No one is perfect, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. At any given time in our lives, we will succeed and at other times we will fail. It is all part of the rich tapestry of life.  Accepting that we cannot always be right and not everything will go your way is an essential step in accepting who you are. There is only one person who will never let you down and who will be with you at all times.  The sooner you can be kind to yourself by appreciate yourself more, the happier your life will be.

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life” Golda Meir, Former Israeli Prime Minister and teacher

4. Take care of yourself

You’ve probably heard the saying, ‘healthy body, healthy mind’. looking after your health, by getting enough nutrition, sleep and exercise, is vital for your mental and physical wellbeing. When you don’t get enough sleep there’s a danger of developing depression and a number of serious medical conditions including heart disease and diabetes.  Exercise not only reduces the risk of ill health it also releases mood and energy boosting endorphins. Read this blog to find out more “Learn how to create healthy habits”

5. Stress management

Today’s busy lifestyle can be stressful and the addition of the recent pandemic have taken stress levels through the roof and any semblance of self-care goes out of the window!  There are a number of exercises that can done to reduce stress, such as taking regular breaks, as mentioned above getting enough sleep, setting aside time to relax and prioritise, plan and not being afraid to say ‘no’ to others. Find out how in our blog “Reduce Stress and Get More Done“.

6. Treat other people with kindness

When you practice to be kind to yourself, you will find that it is much easier to be kinder to other people. It feels good to help others and it also reduces stress and anxiety, so you get to do some good and feel even better about yourself.

“Providing support to other activates a neural pathway in the brain that boosts our wellbeing” Pittsburgh University Research

7. Treat yourself

After a hard day at work or running around doing errands, you deserve a little treat. It could be a simple as buying something you have had your eye on for a while, maybe a gooey chocolate treat or simply indulging yourself in another way.  It could just as easily apply to taking some ‘you’ time to read a book, a long relaxing soak with essential oils, massage or beauty treatment. After all, you are worth it!

8. Believe in yourself

When you believe in others, you want the best for them. One way to be kind to yourself is to believe in yourself. Instead of comparing yourself to others, trust your values, opinions and decisions.

It’s time to stop criticizing your efforts and putting yourself down. Imagine how much better you would feel and perform if you were to be your own champion, defending your actions and spurring yourself on.  If your first instinct says, “well done you, you’ve done a great job!”, accept it and don’t start looking for reasons to be critical.  Next time you do something well, make sure your inner cheerleader’s voice is stronger than the critic.

 9. Show compassion

The importance of showing compassion, befriending and giving yourself recognition is flagged as crucial in the best-selling book ‘How to be your own best friend’, by Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz.  They suggest that the best way to feel compassion for yourself is to put yourself in a loved one’s shoes and imagine that they were hurting. Then consider what you would say and do to make them feel loved. Once you have established how you would show kindness to others, practice the same kindness towards yourself.

10. Honour your dreams and values

The Cheshire Cat understands precisely the importance of knowing what you want  and recognising your dreams in order to take the best route forward. Part of being kind to yourself means acknowledging your dreams and making time to achieve them. If you have a dream, you are more likely to achieve it if you turn it into a plan, then making time in your schedule to prioritise actvities that you enjoy and that are aligned with your dreams and values.  The key is to find the right balance between with just enjoying the present and taking the steps that will take your closer towards your dream and will put a smile on your face and your heart sing.

If you have set back along the way, so what! It’s how you deal with any set-backs that determine how happy your life will be.

Do you want to know more about be kind to yourself?

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